For all intents and purposes, my marriage doesn't stand a chance. It never did, really. We married too young, with limited resources, and fewer prospects. Heaped on that joyous mountain was one loss after another. We have grieved over the deaths of precious loved ones, dear friends, and unborn babes that just couldn't seem to make it past the first trimester.
Life's circumstances took it's toll on our relationship. It really brought out the worst in us. We fought over pointless things. I grew bitter. He pulled away. I resented the distance demanding more connection. He retreated farther, talked less, worked more.
After over a decade of marriage, he left - moved out about six months ago. He said he couldn't be happy in the relationship. I begged and pleaded. I sobbed. I was throughly irrational. I made zillions of promises I could never keep. Honestly, though, I don't blame him. We really made a mess of things. I wasn't happy either.
For what ever reason, he hasn't filed for divorce. I won't. I don't believe in divorce. At least that's what I tell myself. Seriously though, how long can we do this? He comes around. He calls on the phone. I call when I need help. We don't live together, though. This isn't a marriage. This is ludicrous.
I was laying in bed contemplating filing for divorce. Trying to figure out what we'd do about the house, how would we split our stuff, who would get the dog. Something stopped me. Deep in my heart I believe there has got to be a way to salvage our relationship. I've tried everything. Nothing has worked. But, a friend of mine gave me the book "The Love Dare" a while back. I attempted it a few times but never quite threw myself into it. To be honest, I never got past the first week.
What if I actually followed the book? Actually read it, do it, journal it for forty days. What would I have to lose? So, starting tomorrow, Monday July 5, 2010, I'm taking Steven and Alex Kendrick at their word. Who knows what can happen.
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